CC Ch 17 Part B

Chapter 17 – Disillusion
Part B


Translator: Eros
Editor:

Donor(s): Gunnar O

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“…… I, have done nothing……”


It was just the same as my previous life. I can’t do anything filial to my mother even until the last moment.
All I’ve done to her was only making a picture of her when I was in kindergarten and giving her messaging coupons when I was in primary school.
But even with just those boring things, my mother was really happy receiving them.
Even when I started becoming a shut in, my mother still keeps those things with her.

I can’t do anything besides believing, believing that my mother will be alright.
That she will once again smile like she usually does. All that I can do is to just believe at that illusion like a fool, because that is all that I can do now.

After seeing such empty dream, I am awoken inside my dark room. But even so, all I can do is just open my eyes and live on emptily as I can’t do anything to the hollow inside my heart.

I can’t even cry. That feeling keeps sticking in my throat torturing me with intense pain without a way to force it out.

---- And eventually, that feeling turned into a violent anger.

For what sake did I receive this power and then get reborn in this world? Is there really nothing that I can do to solve this problem?

After pondering about it for a long time, I suddenly remember something that I heard while walking my life this far and it lit the fire of hope inside my heart.


[---- About that mandragora that thy uprooted, actually, it is also used to create a nostrum. It could cure all kind of sickness and it could even revive a near death person completely. The absolute secret in the pharmacy world…… the wonder drug known as Elixir----]

“Eli…… xir……”


It was the quest that has been requested by Obaba-sama Neris as the prerequisite to learn advanced level spirit magic from her.
I’ve been collecting the ingredient for making Elixir bit by bit after that but Obaba-sama haven’t tell me one last ingredient needed. She said that it was still too early for me to know.


“That’s right…… if it is Elixir then…… definitely……!”


I jump up from my bed abruptly like getting shocked by electricity.
I prepare myself to go out to visit Obaba-sama in her witch’s hut.
And then when I left my room in the second floor to get down to the first floor ---- I accidentally noticed something.

I noticed that there is a flow of cold air circulating inside the house. And that source of cold air is coming from the basement. The door to the basement room is left open ----!


(…… Who is it…… father……!?)


I have to go to Obaba-sama’s place as fast as possible but I can’t just left alone the thing happened in front of me. I then use [sneaking] before entering the basement because the one inside might not be my father after all…… In case the one entering are people that known about the existence of the demon sword and have evil intention with it, I could sneak from behind to ambush them.

After I walk through the underground passage that I passed only once in the past when I was still a baby, I reach the area located under the church.

What I see there is the figure of my father who brandished the demon sword in his hand.


(……!?)


I have to stop him, I have to call out for him. Those are what I thought the instant I see this situation but before I could act, father is about to slam the demon sword which is still sheathed in its scabbard to the floor.


“…… YOU PIECE OF SHIT……!”


But father couldn’t follow through his action. He then fall to the floor in his knees, and powerlessly looks up to the ceiling.


“Demon sword of Calamity…… If such things didn’t exist….. If such things never exist……!”


I don’t know whether there are connection between the demon sword and mother’s present condition. But father seems to be unable to bear with the feeling anymore.
The one he loved is in the borderline of life and death. He can’t bear to not vent out that indignant feeling when facing such reality.

If, something bad really happened to mother…… father will likely to change and won’t return from the good natured man he is now.

At first, I plan to return the favor of nurturing me up when I turned into an adult because I thought that my two parents definitely won’t accept it if I haven’t yet to reach the age.

---- But if that to be the case then, it will be far too late.


◇◆◇


Next day, early in the morning, in the outskirts of the town close to the forest, I pay a visit to Obaba-sama’s hut. And the one who opened the door for me is Milty who are still rubbing her eyes from being just waking up from sleep.

And then, when Obaba-sama looks at my face, she shakes her head and turns around to show me her back.


“…… I will not teach you anything. Hiroto, no matter how strong you are, there are still things that are impossible for you”
“I need elixir no matter what…… I want to save my mother!”
“Hiroto……”


Milty is getting oppressed by my ghastly expression and getting all teary eye because of it.
I know that I made her scared like that but I just can’t give this one up.


“That one last ingredient…… no matter how difficult that last ingredient is I don’t care, please tell me! Please, I beg you!”


While knowing that it is meaningless no matter how I beg, I still kneel down and rub my temple against the ground.


“…… No, Hiroto……!”


Seeing that, Milty quickly approach me and tried helping me to lift my head up. But even if I know her goodwill, I still won’t raise my head.


“I…… I thought that, I could do anything. There is nothing that I can’t do…… I even have the power to protect the one important to me. And I thought things will continue on happily like this forever……”


Obaba-sama is keeping her mouth shut. But she still stands there…… So all I can do is to let out all my feeling to her no matter how unsightly I become or how poor my choice of word will be.

I don’t keep anything hidden. I just let out words after words according to the feeling that I have in my heart…… And it is ironic that I could say this much of things because of such situation.


“But in reality, I am not…… I am still a kid. I can’t do anything…… But If things continue on this way, I can’t save my mother…… I don’t want to let her die without doing anything. I definitely don’t want that……!”


If I don’t do anything for her, I will definitely regret being born here.
And the happiness that I had piled up till now, everything of it, will definitely be gone. Be it father, and also mother……


“If I can save my mother by praying, then I will pray without stopping for her…… But, she won’t be saved that way. And now, while knowing there is another possibility to save her, I just cannot not do that. If I don’t do anything then I will regret it more than dying…... that’s why……!”


The pain in my throat surpasses the limit it can take. The coarse scream that I keep on yelling cannot continue longer than that.

I don’t have any intention to keep on telling her about my feeling. Obaba-sama also wouldn’t want to keep on listening to a kid’s complain right?

---- Right. There is no reason for her to listen.


“Obaba-sama……”


Milty said that in a surprised manner. Because after all, on top of my head who had just complained like a kid, Obaba-sama warm hand is currently there, gently patting me.
When I raise my face, Obaba-sama is looking at me with the same gentle eyes that she used when she is looking at Milty.


“…… Don’t say the impossible. It might simply be called as an ingredient but that ingredient might even kill you…… Isn’t that what would make Remilia and Ricardo even feel sadder? Doing that would only like step on Milty’s, other children, and also other townspeople’s feeling who loved you, you know?”
“But…… but, I am……”


When I tried to push it further, Obaba-sama is hugging me gently. I can feel her boundless gentleness and warmth in her hug.


“I told you once about Milty’s parents and said that they have already died but that was not the truth. And there is a reason of why I won’t tell her the truth because I am afraid. If I told her the truth, I might only lead Milty to her death. In order to protect one’s family or one’s loved one, people can easily throw their lives while they are also doing that without thinking about the feeling of those left behind”
“…… Obaba-sama”


Milty is also listening to what Obaba-sama had said beside me…… but unexpectedly, she doesn’t look that surprised hearing that.
Has she already know about her parents or hasn’t she? But it seems like to Milty, rather than the news about her parents, my situation are far more important. She should be worrying herself first rather than worrying about myself.


“…… That’s not true. Hiroto won’t do such heartless thing…… He only wants to save his mother”
“…… I know that. That’s why I said he is such a sinful child. You really mature too quickly…… that I could predict that such things like this would occur sooner or later”


Obaba-sama puts her hand on my shoulder. And then, after a moment of hesitation, she start telling me about [The last ingredient].


“The ingredient for Elixir…… Phoenix’s feather, Basilisk’s reverse scale, 1000 years old Turtle’s tail, The liquor of the gods Amrita. And the last one…… is the [Crystallized Dragon Tear]. It is the crystallized tears that is coming from a high ranked dragon”


Perhaps, this fate has been decided since that day.

Since the day when I met the Sovereign Dragon in the form of a little girl, it has been decided that if I don’t meet her again one more time, I will be fated to not be able to progress further ever again. I can’t avoid it. From the very start, I already can’t avoid her……

From the time I first meet her, 2 and a half year had passed. Just like me, the sovereign dragon should also have that much time to grow. I don’t know how much stronger she becomes now. I don’t know whether my own growth could overtake her for a little bit or it might be that she’s just already leave me far behind.

In Eternal Magia, even if you can respawn after death, there is no way to resurrect dead people.
And in this world, there is a high probability that you won’t get respawned like that in the game once you died.


(Death…… If I were to die a second time, I……)


Hoping that the Goddess would give me a second life seems like just being overly optimistic.
And even if that is possible, there’s a big chance that I won’t live as Hiroto Siegrid any longer and would start living as different person. If the Goddess doesn’t give her capricious favor to me at that time, I might have already experienced the real world after death that other person experienced.


“In the depth of Mizell forest, there is a cave. And in the depth of that cave, it is said that there is a nest of a dragon…… But along the way to there, there are flocks of monsters guarding it and their strength is not comparable to those monsters living outside the cave. It is the lizardman and drake races. The dragon uses both races as their retainer to help them protect their treasure. They are being used as watch dogs. Even if you manage to reach the cavern, you might not be able to see the dragon”


Lizardman, Drake…… when both monster race reaches high enough level, their battle power can no longer be categorized as small fry mob any longer. In the game, only whimsical high level player would face them solo. Even I need to party up with member of my guild to hunt them.

They are not a boss monster yet even a single small mistake could become fatal when fighting them.Well, in MMO games, those kinds of guy are in hordes. There’s even a monster that can only be defeated if you have a party with standardized roles and always do all the action in prearranged order.
The difficulty level in Eternal Magia has been set in a very balanced way so that it could still barely enable people to play solo.

---- My party members in this world definitely have enough power to face against lizard mans and drakes. But with the dragon existence to consider, bringing them together with me are out of the question.

If I have to go, I will go alone…… The only one that I will bring with me probably just only the slime. Well, even if I tried my hardest to reach the very depth of the cave, there’s no guarantee that I will find the dragon. Just like the last time when I met her outside, she might leave her nest for some times and I would be daring the danger of going there for nothing.

But then again, dragons won’t move around much from their territory unless there are reasons for it. That was the information that I manage to get from the little amount of words that Yuisia’s said that day.


(She said that she needs to protect her treasures…… So that means that she will always stays around there. Yuisia location will definitely be, her dragon’s nest……)

“Hiroto…… Bring me too……”
“…… Obaba-sama, make it so that I never asked anything…… Even if I somehow managed to get that crystallized dragon tear later, that would be just by chance”
“…… I know that you would say that. Really…… you don’t act like a little kid at all”


I don’t go to the nest of the dragon because Obaba-sama tells me to. Instead, it was because I wanted to go there myself. I have to make that the fact no matter what.

I will definitely return home alive. But no matter how much I tell myself that, I am the one who know how hard the truth is.
A high ranked dragon, Yuisia, is a being that even if I exhaust all my abilities right now, there is no guarantee that I could defeat her.
---- But even so.


“Milty…… I’m sorry for making you worry. But I can’t bring you together this time”
“NO!...... I will also go! Hiroto……!”
“No you can’t. I…… haven’t let anybody know about this but… I’m actually……”
“…… Actually?”


Actually, I always feel afraid. No matter how much successful my current life now, there is always fear whether I would return to my previous condition back in earth.
And the time I could be honest with my feeling…… That would be the time when I return back home alive.
That’s why I smile. I smile so Milty won’t be worried about me.


“…… I am, actually a coward. Such dangerous place like the nest of a dragon, why would I go there?”
“…… You won’t go, to dangerous place?”
“Yup, I won’t go”


Bluffing out, lying, pretending to be tough, I have done it a lot. I even had told many other lies that could hurt others too.
And the most lies I do was, the lies to make other people feel relieved.
I lied so that Milty definitely won’t try to come along with me. And not only Milty, but everyone else too. I must not let them aware of what I’m planning too.
Obaba-sama already won’t say anything else. While saying my thanks inside my heart, I give one last smile to Milty before leaving Obaba-sama witch’s hut.

The next place to visit is…… my mother’s place.
It was still early in the morning so the medical examination place still not yet open. But by using my new active skill that I got from raising my thief skill, lockpick, I managed to sneak in while saying sorry in my heart.


“…… Mother……”


Mother who always sleeps on the bed, like expecting me to come, is raising her body up to greet me.


“…… Hiroto… It is still early in the morning and you have come? I’m happy”


Mother doesn’t even asked how I get in here and just give me her usual smile.
The impulse of wanting to cry while clinging on her suddenly explodes within me. I want her to hug me lovingly like how she usually does to me.
---- But, she can’t do that now. Because after this, I am going to disobey my father’s word…… He told me to not fight monsters but I will violate that taboo.


“Forgive your mom okay. Mommy feels a bit unwell now. But Mommy will get healthy immediately okay?”
“…… Yes, mommy doesn’t need to apologize. I have… everything……”


I have understood everything. I was about to say those word but, I quickly hold myself back.
I do not know anything. I must not let mother aware of what I think…… definitely.


“Ah that’s right…… Hiroto, for this child, have you also think of a name?”
“…… I want mom and dad to be the one who give the baby a name because I like the name that mom and dad gave to me”
“Is that so…… I understand. You know what? Daddy has told me that he had already thought of one name before. But he still haven’t tell mom about it…… that guy really show some careless side sometimes”


Mommy is saying her usual joke when she was still healthy. And hearing her jokes like this… I feel like having not heard that since forever.

---- No that’s wrong. That is not something in the past…… Mother will definitely be healthy again.


“…… Hiroto”
“…… Yes mom?”



Mother is calling my name. While still keeping her smile, mother says to me:


“If something were to happen to mommy…… then please, daddy, and this child……”
“……”


No I don’t want to. Don’t say such things.
Don’t say it like everything is already over like that. Because even from now on, mother and father and me and this new family member of ours will keep on living happily together.
How come this happen when I finally realized how happy that kind of normal life is?
How come this happens when I finally find a meaning in my life after dying once and reincarnated here?


“…… No, forget that. Mommy has to do her best right?...... Because Hiroto is also doing his best right?”


Mother is taking back her words. Even though she is the one who suffer the most right now…… If it was me, I probably won’t be able to hide my pain that well.


“Hiroto…… Mommy is feeling sorry for not being able to be there beside you. Don’t go to dangerous places okay……”


Mother’s consciousness gets blurry again. I then support mothers back so she could safely lie down in the bed.


“…… Yes, I won’t go. I won’t go anywhere. That’s why…… good night, mommy”
“…… Thank you…… Hiroto. Mommy…… loves Hiroto very much……”


I keep holding her hand until mother falls asleep.
After mother falls asleep, I slowly remove my hand from hers. And then, before I left the medication ward, I check on mother current status.


STATUS
Name: Remilia Siegrid
Human   Female   22 years old   Level 12

Job: Noble’s daughter.
Life: 10/76